Observe Your Child"s Behavior To Understand Them

You would look at your child"s tantrum with the same eyes if you knew that when a child goes through a tantrum what he is saying is: “Sorry, I do not do this to annoy you. I am frustrated that I can not do certain things because I am very small, help me to do it, please! "

And what would you think if under your child"s challenging behavior when he says, “I will not do what you say and you can not force me!", There is a real message that says, “I just want you to realize that I am here, pay attention to me and spend time with me “?

All human behavior is driven by an emotional need to feel connected and important (contribution) to the people who make up our social groups (family, school, friends, work) and everything we do is focused on establishing that connection to feel loved for whom we love or appreciate.

At birth, we humans have the same capacity as an adult (we have even more neurons), but our synaptic connections (bridges that connect neurons with others) are “virgin," have no knowledge. We do not even know how to walk, talk, eat alone, know how to behave, reflect on what we do, bathe, write, read, etc., etc., etc. We learn in what we grow. Also, most of our behaviors are directed by our right hemisphere, that is, we are pure emotion, we are dominated by emotions! Hence, childhood goes through many cycles and moments like tantrums, sexual exploration, “rebellion," denial and many others that we all pass through. But everything has a purpose and always,

The educational task of all parents and caregivers of children is precise to be sensitive to those hidden needs under the behaviors of their children or students to know how to accompany them and guide them in their growth to become safe, self-sufficient, emotionally stable adults and with full capacity to pursue their happiness and self-realization.

This is why it is so important and fundamental to acquire knowledge that helps us in the first instance to self-know ourselves as human beings, second, to know us in our individuality and to know our children to know how to guide them better on this path called healthy life!

We want to invite you to deepen this knowledge and much more by participating in our last workshop of the year of Positive Discipline “Communication, Knowledge and Autonomy."

The purpose of the workshop is to learn and share experiences and reflections around our parenting, that is why the quota is limited to only 20 participants.

Related video:

Understanding My Teenager (And Myself)

We all want to belong and be recognized, but this desire changes with age. For example, children want to belong and be accepted in their families and their schools, the most important thing for them is the approval of their parents. But in adolescence this perception changes because for adolescents the most important thing is to be recognized by their peers, that is their friends.

In adults also happens, suddenly we are very interested to be important and recognized in our respective professions. In this way all human beings, we begin to walk our strategies to belong and to be recognized according to the perceptions that we have of ourselves, of the others and the world and this can make us fall into inadequate behaviors because we do not always know how to achieve it.

For children, entering into puberty and adolescence is significant because they will soon begin an accelerated process of changes at the physical, emotional and sexual levels. They will also begin to live their process of individualization to discover who are far from their parents. This easily invites rebellion and put to the test all that is said to them, because they question by seeking new answers or a reason for being to things that already established.

Added to this, the pre-frontal cortex of their brains undergoes rapid growth, causing some confusion. In this way, they may misinterpret the body language of parents or those around them as aggressive when in fact it is not. That is why it is so difficult to communicate with teenagers looking like we speak in different languages.

To achieve a more efficient and loving communication, this must be taken into account in order not to fall into power struggles with the children and to understand what is happening as a natural part of their growth.

Getting involved in controlling everything in a teenager"s life is a mistake in which parents often fall frequently. They try to prevent their children from getting into unfortunate situations like drugs, unwanted pregnancies, etc. However, this form of excessive control (even if it has a good faith root) only invites the adolescent into rebellion, because he understands his parents" control as suffocation, a lack of confidence in his abilities and an invasion of his privacy.

For this reason (and although very difficult), it is essential to convey the message that parents are on their side, that they trust in their abilities, that they have the channel open to communication and that they will be with open arms for when they need your support.

Educate with love and respect to help them in the successful transition from their adolescence to their adulthood for them to live a wonderful and healthy life.

Related video:

Cultivate Self-esteem To Your Child

What is self-esteem? Why is it so important? How can parents help in building a healthy self-esteem?

Self-esteem is what each person feels about themselves. The feeling of own value. The valuation we make about ourselves, based on thoughts, feelings, and experiences that we collect throughout our lives. In this way we believe that we are clever or stupid, we feel nice or unfriendly, we like it or not. The thousands of impressions that we are recording, experiences, so gathered can be grouped into a positive feeling towards ourselves or an uncomfortable feeling of not being what we expected.

Self-esteem is not something that comes from birth but is being formed and consolidated from our relationships with others and the image that others project us in those interactions. Then we can conclude: “that self-esteem depends to a great extent on the quality of the relationships that exist between the child and those who play important roles in their life."

A positive self-esteem is a solid self-respect that is based on two main convictions: I am valuable, and I am worthy of being loved. These statements are, in essence, the primordial needs of every human being since birth, on the one hand to feel loved, accepted and secure with a strong sense of belonging to a social group, family, and on the other hand to develop a strong sense of capacity, to be able to handle itself with efficiency and to offer its contribution to the others.

Why is the subject of self-esteem so important?

Because people who feel good about themselves tend to feel comfortable in life, they can face and resolve with certainty the challenges and responsibilities that arise. On the contrary, low self-esteem is a permanent source of insecurity and personal dissatisfaction. Intimately, they believe they have to change to be good and have difficulty perceiving their abilities. And this personal feeling affects everything. Feeling, thinking and behaviors are intimately related, when we feel good we can act better.

How can parents help in building a healthy self-esteem?

We parents are for our children, from birth and for many years, those almighty gods whom they admire, we are their first mirrors in which they look at themselves, and they begin to know each other through the reflection that we are giving them.

In the workshops for parents, we pause to reflect on concrete actions that help strengthen the family bond and thus promote a healthy self-concept based on some fundamental principles: unconditional love, limit or correct without hurting and increasingly promote their autonomy. A brief explanation below:

Unconditional Love: A child"s self-esteem blossoms with the unconditional love of their parents. Every child will feel better if he is accepted as he is, no matter what his strengths, difficulties, temperament or dexterity. We offer you, unconditional love, when you can perceive that you want it beyond your behaviors. When we make them feel that their mistakes and obstacles are part of their growth and therefore do not obscure the pride and love we feel for them.

Limiting without hurting: we want our children to learn to live in a world that has demands and rules, and know how to adjust to them. But the end does not justify the means; it should not interest us to “behave well" if they do it out of fear of punishment or through threats and cries that corrode their self-esteem. What we want is that, through the acceptance and gradual understanding of the limits, be stronger and own themselves every day. We can develop a way to communicate that takes care of the feelings and orient the behavior. A warm, affectionate and emotional support family climate can be achieved, without forgetting the importance of firmly establishing reasonable limits.

Promoting autonomy: Dreukurs, a reference in matters of upbringing, said: “Do not do for a child anything that he can do for himself." The reason for his commentary is to make us reflect on the danger of overprotection when educating. Let us not deprive children of opportunities to develop through their own experiences, the belief that they are capable. They need daily experiences where they can put into play and develop skills. Motivate your independence by allowing you to make and solve your problems, without waiting for perfection, valuing your effort and energy.

We can never know with certainty what decisions the child is going about himself or herself, but as parents, the best we can do is to provide a family climate of respect, acceptance, trust and good communication that fosters the development of healthy self-esteem. Parents, we can nourish you with positive experiences, which nourish your inner feeling of courage and ability.

Related video: